a reminder

It always takes someone who loves you to tell you how flawed you really are - after all, if they don't, no one else will. In a sense.

Take my parents as an example. That's why they nag but I know it's for my own good.

Doesn't stop me from making the same mistake though. I don't try hard enough? I don't care enough? Whatever the reason is, doesn't make me any less guilty.

Might offend some, I'm sure - I don't know. But I do think that if I sin, no matter how big, or how small, or how many gazillion entries I've got against me in my little black book, I should be the one paying the price. I guess life is unfair like that. You screw up, someone usually takes the hit for the worse. And you either continue not realizing what you've done or having to bear the consequences of what you've done knowing that you can't rewind time. It could be either, it could be both.
________

I like how I pretend to be perfect. So if you see me screw up, consider yourself a cut above the rest. I guess it's a direct relationship between the gravity/frequency of my screwups and how close I am to a person. And I consider even the smallest things as a screwup. I allocate *very* (and I mean very very very) little room for error when it comes to myself.

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but it hurts when it happens. Then again, the best medicine is always the most bitter to swallow, after all.
________

Oops, is that another condemning red remark I spot in my little black book?
________

In a different light - a completely different one - I "don't" understand? Please, don't 'sell' it - it's a decision.
________

I believe in the teachings, and the lessons learned in life. Maybe I should believe in philosophy, not religion, eh?
________

People I've met teach me plenty of stuff - I love to learn all about them. It's like reading different books each time - or like observing the detailing of a painting, listening to a piece of musical miracle.. you get the drift. I appreciate it, and I look at everything. The good, the bad, the ugly - it's all there. No such thing as a 'perfect' piece of *anything*. Ever.

crazy0

The past few days since starting work has been.. crazy.

There's so much to learn, so much to know in such a short time - after that I've gotta get into the groove, it's swim or sink for me. Somewhat. But luckily my senior's really helpful and knows his stuff (although sometimes I feel like a baby, but hey I've gotta start somewhere) We're pretty 'muhibbah' in a way - 2 Chinese guys, 2 Indian guys, one Malay guy, and then there's me to throw into the mix.

The 4 letters that define what I do: MIMS. It's so convoluted inside.. so many many *many* tables. And fiddling with MSSQL.. whoah it's been a *really* long time. But I'll get the hang of it.

Also, the UTP cable is super cacat - you touch it, and chances of me getting disconnected is nearly 100%. Wtf is up with that cable la, lembik betul! I am bringing my own cable tomorrow. eesh tak tahan dah.

Life in support = what life? Goodness the seniors work from home and at the client site. Madness. And I get to join that circle soon enough. I wonder, really I do. It's like working hours and *then* some.

My Thinkpad.. gawd there are *so* many passwords I have to recall. One set for the company intranet, one set for the client intranet, and one more set for my laptop itself. Mind-boggling, yes.
_____________________

Had dinner with aichan today. We intended to KFC it out but eesh alluva sudden there was this fantastic queue so we headed off to Burger King instead. And with our backs turned, we had somehow drawn a queue right behind us. Talked mostly rubbish as usual. We should go serious pub crawling with reeis like we did the other night - that was AWESOME! Should try it from morning till night, *nyeknyeknyek!

Was totally poofed by the time I got back, but happy to be home. =)

the beauty of dance

Went to the HELP Inter-College Dance Competition 2009 yesterday, @ KLPAC.

KLPAC itself was such a *toot* to find because I got lost after picking oji up, man it took us almost an hour to find the place. One wrong turn can be so deadly. Of course, it didn't 'help' that there was the fail woman, and a guy who fails with directions. Ergo... go figure. =P But we made it in the end, so all was well and good =)

When we entered the building, I'll admit I was surprised (in a good way) XD They had a grand piano *outside* in the main area, how cool is that? If I were ever to get my own place, I am *so* going to save up for a baby grand. I think. Heaps and heaps of students and a little section displaying dance shoes.. and alot of the committee members running around making sure everything was going ok. Reminds me a little of Culture Night 07, man I miss those crazy days~

Anyway.

The opening act was 2 very cute kids dancing chacha, and the closing act was an amazing paso doble.

I'm glad to say the winners were well deserved, although the rumba that came as 2nd runner up for the Beginner's category was not what I expected. It should have been the first couple dancing the chacha, they were so much more in sync... and didn't need to resort to the unbuttoning of shirts. Completely unnecessary.

The beginner's category, included some that were really *not* beginners. Like my top 3 favourites:

First couple dancing the chacha: Flashy and quite in sync, set a pretty decent bar for the rest to top.

Third couple dancing rock & roll: The eventual winner for the beginner's category, they were simply amazing! The lead was so lively and cute to boot! Dancing to Christina Aguilera's "Candy Man" and boy was it cute XD Very very very cute. I loved this one, and I'm glad they snagged the main prize. The girl was equally cute too~ it takes two to make this one work, and they did real good alright.

Ninth couple dancing.. rock and roll too I think. I remember this couple had the lead falling down quite a number of times. Violent follow, haha! But it was very entertaining. Good use of the floor, amazing moves and alot of chemistry and confidence.

Then came the more spectacular performances of the night - the Advanced category. My faves of the night:

Third couple dancing rock & roll. Very cute and matching outfits, and just as good as the beginner category~ If you ask me to compare both the performances, I'd get stuck. They're really on par with each other.

Fourth couple dancing salsa. HOT DAMN they've got some damn cool moves. Blew us all away, and the eventual winner of the night. I love the guy's vest too, very sleek. Like the moves, like the entire performance. Especially close to the last bit, aih I don't know where to get the video. If I needed two words to describe it: HOT DAMN.

Because I'm not a HELP student, I don't get what the commotion is with this guy... Aris (or however you spell it, I kept hearing Aeris - I know, geek in me calling for Sephy to backstab her) so when the emcee was saying "Ladies and gentlemen, a round of applause for Aris please" I went "wtf?!"

The ninth couple for the night dancing salsa. Also a good performance, the girl sure can move those hips. And is very quirky onstage *and* offstage. The fishnet stockings don't do you any good girl, they make your thighs look huge. But but but I love that dance too~ it was a good one.

I don't want to go through the sucky performances.. but in general I blame the cause of 'death' to the lack of practice. Some of them just lack the fire so it sizzled out, some of them forgot their moves, some of the follows ended up leading, some of them are good individually but not together, some of them.. just.. well.. let's not go there. Oh, and on a personal note: no matter what happens, do *not* adjust your bra in the middle of a dance. It's hideous to watch.

I loved the encore too, the winners had to perform again, and they were just as spectacular as the first time. LOVE! XD If it's on next year I'm going again.

the past.

Because I am a worry-wart. *sigh*. and *hug!
___________

Ending internship on Tuesday had to be happy and frustrating at the same time. The one thing that thwarted me from going back any earlier that night was... was...

*is frustrated at her stupidity*

wait for it, wait for it...

a white space.

" "

AGH! I still feel stupid when I think about it.

Picked up Ernie to go Swing! after. I took about 15mins to reach the fail woman's house cause.. well.. haha I shall not go into detail.

A little while after, when I picked up Aizat's call, I answered a female voice saying "where are youuu!!" For awhile I was thinking "Who is this?! @_@" But from the style of speaking I think I had a rough idea..

We only arrived close to 10PM so that was abit of a bummer. And boy have I gone rusty-o. Kept missing step & count when dancing the first dance with Jas, and the next dance with Chris. =P Ah well.

by now...

I'm sure every radio station has played his entire discography over once. At least.

The first song I remember being able to sing along to was "You're not alone, I'm here with you, though we're far apart, you're always in my heart..." and on, and on. Oh yes, and "Heal the world". All this whilst playing with my Barbies when I was 7. He was *that* good. =)

And there was a Talentime competition when I was in form4 where there was an impersonator who did a pretty damn good moonwalk. *salutes.

I'm not his biggest fan, but I definitely respect how he was such a big part of the music world and his contribution to it. Without the classic moves (the moonwalk, the crotch grabbing move, the 45-degree lean, stuff like that), and masterpieces he made, pop wouldn't be pop today.

Rest in peace, Michael Jackson.
___________

Out to dinner @ Seoul Garden, 1 Utama with the suffering crew in the office. 4 generations of interns and 2 permanent staff. A sight indeed. And we'd still find things to joke about (well, specifically *one* person) and boy were there alot of laughs. One table was polishing off food, going for seconds and thirds and so forth quite often, while the other was just.. burning their bbq-ed stuff and making good use of the steamboat. Guess which is which.

It's soooo good to see Fiza & Khalil again! XD

We ate from about 730ish to about 10. I think we tried just about everything there.. Just that I was more keen on the bbq stuff than I was about steamboat. =P
___________

Why does One World Hotel hire such strange pitchy acts to sing? I'm sure they could do better.

beat the blues

Frère Jacques, dormez vous?
Sonnez les matines, ding dang dong!

and

Alouette, gentille Alouette
Alouette, je te plumerai
Je te plumerai la tête (Je te plumerai la tête)
Et la tête (Et la tête)
Alouette (Alouette)
O-o-o-oh~~

_______________

I actually remember these.. just that I never knew the words. And boy that song about Alouette is kinda.. violent? @_@

random#1: oh, and I could never remember the 12 Days of Christmas.. I could only remember till 5. hahaha! Because it's the one with the loudest yell of "FIVE GOLDEN RINNGGSSS~~"

_______________

If I ever had a pet.. I would want a Siberian husky or a tadakichi-san(if you've watched azumanga, you would know what it is =P)

hmm daydreams. XD

_______________

Somehow today wasn't as bad as I was fearing over the weekend. I know, I usually don't let anything get past me on the weekend but I somehow dread this week to be the one week and some where I stay back super late (which I have been doing for the last week) and getting grilled and creeped up on by the noobervisor (this is oh-so-irritating I must insist yet AGAIN!)

Although having to deal with monstrous amounts of Javascript DOM was interesting... and having my stupid sessions screw me around for half a day before it decided to behave itself. seriously. *shakes head.

mulling over this, and that, and this.

lesson of the day: buying new lingerie can make you feel like a million bucks when you feel you're worth less than a cent. =)

That, and la senza's stuff is pretty. XD
_____________________

I'm still worried though. Over the last 9 days that I'm fated to be in this hell hole.. I'm most likely going to have to deal with the moron chihuahua and the goldfish a whole lot more. What can I say, what will I do? The thought of being pushed to having lots of late nights at a place I don't even fancy being in 5 seconds after 5PM is really making me unhappy. I don't even want to work it off at home because I don't feel motivated to do so. I just want to do what I can and wash my hands of this place.

Which brings this to mind.

I'm not going to have any breaks from my old place to my new place. Come 1st of July, and I'll be starting anew in another environment. Will I like it? Will I make it? I'm actually afraid. After what I've seen working to be, I don't want to go through the same thing again. I'll tell myself that not every place is like that, but.. "what if?"

I need a little time to reset my mindset before plunging in, I think. But not everyone is given that luxury, therefore who am I to ask for it? Just take what comes, and do the best with what I've got. I am 'just' another screw in the machine.

I've seen people who love what they do, love the environment they're in, the people they work with. I want to be one of them. So there's only one answer - I've got to be brave, and find my own way. Not everywhere's the same, and not everyone's the same. Just have to see what I pull out of the hat this round.
_____________________

BBQ dinner = yum!

Happy father's day dad, and happy belated bday ah yee! Had heaps of fun shopping for their gifts. XD