bewildering.

At times like these, I feel so spineless. I do nothing but sit and watch, knowing all of us are going to be in hot water later. Probably so hot that everything will just evaporate.

And again, I’m probably going to be at fault at some point in time, some other source of resentment. I know it’s wrong but whatever I try to do is useless.

I don’t think they know what they’re doing, nor do they realize the consequences. Why am I the one to tell them something they should know? And yet why do they do it? The adrenaline rush that it brings them and the sweet success of having defied the rules time and time again encourages them to do it.

Fuck. Fuck, you hear me?! For someone that hates this word and tries as much as possible to not to use it and actually mean it, I am doing it now. I am damned pissed. I’m being kicked around just because they don’t seem to realize the consequences of continuing their farce, something they call ‘life’. More like a lie than anything else to me.

I quote myself:
“I don’t wonder guys don’t mature that fast. They seem to forever think life is a game of sorts, and they want it to stay that way at whatever the cost.”

For (insert plural word here to represent a male version of feminist), don’t start picking fights cause this is not a generalization. I’m just infuriated by some.

Do I deserve this right to scrutinize them when I play a part in it, dormant though it may be? I’ve done it myself, but I paid the price. And I don’t want to do it again. Maybe I take comfort in the fact that compared to them I’m probably saintly. Disgusting, but true. People are willing to deceive even themselves if they are absolutely desperate to survive.

Yeah sure, laugh all you want; but how many of you know what I’m talking about? If you do, mention no names. If you don’t, I’m sorry that you have had to read this.

O woe is me; why do fools venture into the path that angels fear to tread?

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postscript: On quoting myself, it brought to my mind another quote:

No one beneath you can offend you. No one your equal would.
-Jan L. Wells