missing you

Everyone I've met, everything I've seen, every moment I've experienced.

All the laughs, all that craziness, all the photos, all the secrets, all the conversations. Every one of them kept and brought out to reminisce at from time to time.

I had way too much fun there, way too many things I've left behind. The loves, the hates (not that I've had much of them to begin with).

I miss you. So much. It hurts sometimes to think of it. It hurts so much to think of all the stuff I could be doing now, with you, with the people I've come to think of as part of 'family'. And yet I know things will be different even if I could somehow be with you right now, in a blink of an eye. I may love it more, I may love it less - and through it all, the uncertainty of it still manages to unnerve me. But still the feeling remains. I want to be there. Now. Always. Wishing sometimes that I never left to begin with. I wonder if it's to make me realize how much I've regarded you and everything associated to you. How much more I've thought of it than I actually do.

I keep thinking of how to go back, does that make me any more a traitor to a place that I grew up? sigh! Maybe because I think I have so much to return to that I've probably started to love the things around me that little bit less. I can't stop myself from thinking this way. But by the time I go there everything that I've loved so much about you may have gone altogether - I think that's what I fear the most.

I miss the country life. And I miss complaining about it too. After awhile I got complacent, as is the norm here, and learnt to love the slow pace. You seem to have to take more time to appreciate everything you have - the clear night sky, with all the stars as far as your eye can see and as far as your back can bend; the clear day sky, with all the shapes of clouds you can imagine, and for me, the freedom, with all the joy it brings and all the lessons that I keep learning from them.

To Gippsland, which changed my life.

But on top of everything else, to you, that gave me so much to remember it by and so much to miss it by.