and that's why...

I..

Must face the truth that the likeliness of my most-anticipated event of starting Masters might fizzle out. Oh, what a sting. I mean, they're always right. I don't have *any* money to speak of in my name. I cannot possibly repay the loan while I'm studying.. and I obviously screwed up my final year enough to not be good enough to earn myself fully-financed study by whoever whatever whenever.

"See NOW why I keep telling you to study hard?"

OF COURSE I didn't see that earlier. OF COURSE I screwed up on purpose. But of course.
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Starbucks.
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I want to be passionate about *something*. I don't think I allow myself to, it's just not rational anymore if I did end up that way. I wouldn't be able to sit on the fence anymore (not like I always did anyway).