archiving for the 21st time.

Growing a year older this year has made me think a fair bit. Of who I was for the past 21 years of my life, and who I'd wanna be after accumulating yet another year of life experiences.

I loved, lost and loved once more. That might have been one of the most bittersweet experiences in my life so far, where relationships are involved. No regrets here, none at all. This area has always been a dicey one for most people, but I think having to give yourself wholeheartedly to someone else and trusting them almost to a point of blind naivety is.. what I do, and expect in return. Maybe I'm not that obvious when it comes to this, but that's me. =P

I've also realized the many mistakes I've made, and wonder if I've really learnt from them. I've always been a worrier and I swear I hate myself for all the mistakes that I've done. However I know I can't turn back time and wish that it didn't happen - that's just plain silly. I suppose I have just that it isn't in the forefront of my memory, it's always lurking somewhere there waiting for me to put them to use.

I've gotten to know alot more people that enrich my life in many ways. They've seen many things, done many things, and I wanna learn as much as I can without being afraid of being wrong. I've always been but I'm trying to let go of that, it really stops me from doing as much as I potentially can.

I've also learnt that despite distances and lack of communication, the ones closest to my heart will always remain that way. I probably don't show it but I really, really care for my nakamas. They're the closest I'm ever going to get to having sisters.

Unlike many others, I've been fortunate in life. Very. Lucky to have my screwed up family. We're all weird like that but we stick together. I cannot explain what my family means to me, they're not only learning ground, it's also an experimental ground (of sorts). They've let us take some chances, mostly just slapping our wrists where we try to be funny. Parents will be parents, and brothers will be brothers.

The past year (well at least the last 2 months prior) had me seeing plenty of unpleasantness at work, how people can be so manipulative without giving a damn about others, some who are experts at deflecting, and even more people who somehow survive by what seems to be appearance alone. However, again I consider myself fairly lucky - I'm attached to my 2 seniors. Or rather, one Devil, and an Uncle. ^_^ They talk bout work and gripe a whole lot but hey when you're in the same ditch as we are I suppose you'd understand why. Surviving just one PC fair was quite an experience, all the lunches we had, breakfast sessions, and silly jokes (or mostly me getting bullied by the Devil), I feel like I haven't grown up at all compared to these people.

The industrial experience till June was another shithole to bear with, but I've also made good friends with the fellow interns. So despite the hell we were all put through, we had our ways of geting by (and more importantly getting back at the person who made it quite difficult) and overall it wasn't an experience I'll readily forget. However, I've learnt plenty. Not only in terms of having to deal with people, but also technical skill.

Regrets, I've had a few, but nothing major. =) And with that, I'm archiving my 21st year. On to the 22nd.