weary of life
I feel so weary... When I'm in school I long to be out of it, and when I stop going to school I long to be in it. I realize I'm a pretty boring person whose daily scrapes are nothing more than ramblings. I thought I lived for the sake of things I couldn't be without; my family and friends. In school, I don't hang about with anyone much, except for some few friends that I think I trust. I don't know if I actually do or I do so to prevent people from shying away. Would I tire of them when something new pops into my life? I probably wouldn't know. I would like to feel the joy of solitude, but that troubles people into thinking that I have some weirdo psychological problem. sighhhhhh.
I am a selfish person. I complain, but I don't stop and take a good look at the surroundings and the people in them. Do I think of others when I do? Do I care of what people think? I think it's natural that I do, so much so that I have to be extremely careful with what I say to prevent myself from being shunned. I know that a while back I was so relentless and merciless in my manner of speech that it got me into plenty of trouble. Here I thought I was voicing my opinions, but it turned out to be that it wasn't what people wanted to hear. They preferred lies to the truth, and if carried out to order all the better. Nobody wants to hear what you think. They want to hear what makes them happy. That sounds like the base of all advertisements and commercials on mass media. But then again, there are lawsuits against lying in them. Advertise things that are not in the package, and you get sued. Advertise the truth, and your business goes down the drain.
There is something wrong. I can't stand the nyo's and nyuu's...Online, it's fine. In life, it's a tad irritating...Don't like to tell people off about it cause it results in growing malice. It's like trying to protray an image that leaves you in disgust. That's what my mind's eye saw, anyway. I probably can't stand the cuteness of it all cause I'll never be like it. To play along is merely a farce, like being in a green grass field where the sun shines brightly, the wind blows gently and you can spend the days lazing about. No. Reality is about swelting hot suns that can burn your skin,rainy days and purplish night skies that indicate a moody sky the next morning. I guess that's why television was created, to escape reality. To return to a happy scenery free from abuse.
Crying is an action. Due to happiness, due to disappointment, due to anger and everything else. But crying is good. It's like washing yourself free. That's when I would like to break the rules and play about in the rain without caring for others' angry pleas to return to safety.
An ordinary person, an ordinary life. The anguish of hearing praises of others hurts."I want to be like that too, but noone sees that". Or so I think. I guess I don't need to delve too deeply into things like this as there are more important things to deal with. Don't sweat the small stuff and things will eventually happen.
