stand still in the middle of the raging waters

Right now I feel my classroom has to be the loneliest place on earth for me. It's hard for me to mix with the ordinary freaks. I thought I felt unaccepted where I stood, then I stopped to think. Is it my fault that you guys are ordinary and I'm not? So that I get to be the 'bad' apple? 23 of them feel at home, then a disconnection comes in. That's me. You can see a 2-people radius of emptiness everywhere I sit in the classroom. They give me funny looks. I look at myself. What?! What?! WHAT?!!

It could be that I am just being extremely self-conscious for no apparent reason. I'm pathetic. I can't even make my own stand in this. I'm looking for someone else to blame, and hey-ho, I end up blaming myself instead. Self-justification insists that I reason it out and blame nobody, and move on. Which what happens most of the time. aiiiih.

I'm standing still in the middle of the raging waters watching the little ants scurry along the path, too focused on what they're doing to notice anything else. The feeling right then. It's wonderful. I felt like I'm watching over them. Observing them. Hoping to learn something that others don't. And when I reach out to any one of them, they move on without blinking an eye. And the steady stream continues unperturbed by these obstacles unworthy of their time and attention.