I am a fool.

I think I did really really badly for my math common test today. T_T I know it. It's gut instinct. And it's rarely wrong. In my case anyway. It was overwhelming, the signals being sent to me:"You didn't prepare enough, You Panicked; You did Really Badly. You're going to Fail."

On top of a whole lot of other things that just make me want to cry "TODAY SUCKS, DAMMIT!"

My mind drew blanks once I started reading the questions. Why won't it compute with what I was revising?! @_@ I know once mom and dad hear of this I'll get another earful of how not planning would lead to failure. T_T Here we go.... sigh. I know the reason though; it's my unenthusiastic attitude towards studying. So there ya go, add one more to the list of fools.

The famous phrases; "I could have, I should have.." will start to ring again.

I never try too hard in anything I do. If I was talking to a wall, I'd probably go "What for? There's always someone better no matter how hard you try. What's the use of being the best?" Then all that stuff on being optimistic will come in, and when the speaker starts to get weary, it'll go, "I'm disgusted. Look at you; You can but you don't want to do it..I'm so disappointed in you. What the hell is wrong with you?"

I sound like such a pessimist, don't I. Strange how I contradict myself over, and over, and over. Sometimes I'm the one trying to get people out of the blue funk, but when I'm in it myself I tend to drown in it. Everyone else is above the surface, not watching, not caring. I refuse to be consoled by anyone other than myself. Stupid me, that's the way I work.

After awhile I'll go, "You're being stupid all over again. Pick up what's left and continue. The end is still some ways to go. You cannot stop here. I do not allow you to while your time away as everyone else is moving on. Go. Learn. Realize. And do something about it, damn you. DO SOMETHING!"

I can say all the pretty words I can, but nothing will change till I decide to do something. I know it, I know it, but why can't I do it?!

This is difficult. *piffety*

MPH was freezing cold. Of all days not to bring my jacket it had to be today. T_T Whyy, whyy.... Even now as I sit here in The Web the %&$# ac is cold. I cannot live without my jacket. It is to me what a tortoise shell is to a tortoise. XP Hot or cold, rain or shine, it has to be with me. I regret that too, leaving my jacket at home.

Didn't help for the fact that my handphone and iPod were confisticated cause they were keeping warm and snug in my pockets. But that was a minor matter; I got it back anyway at the end of the day at mrs chong's office. I felt unbeliveably stupid after I talked to her, giving the lamest, most inexcusable excuses for any living being's ears to hear. That utterly transformed me into another imbecile on the street. T_T I regret saying what I did, for having voluntarily degraded myself.

random thought: denny sings well. and hengteng plays well. ^_^ good luck for tomorrow's audition~