lacking and wanting

I lack it cause I never think I deserve it. But I want it. I hate to be sidetracked, ignored and dealt with like how little girls are treated; seen and not heard.

I guess my problem is that I think if others see me fit to deserve theirs, then they will give it to me. I don't make demands because it's entirely up to them to decide. I don't push things along so I get pushed along and in the end I'm at the end of the line to be pushed further back.

And hey, that's not the end of the story. When I feel angry, I can't blame anyone for not giving me any of it, it's always my fault somewhere along the way. And when I think about it even more, sometimes it gets to the extent that I convince myself it's entirely my fault.

After saying all this, I'm not really surprised I don't get it.