blearghedy

I find myself withdrawing. from what I don't really know. I don't know why either.

I say self praise is no praise at all..then mom refutes, saying that you need self praise in order to be praised by others.. I don't see her wrong. I guess when she opens her mouth suddenly everything I say is just about wrong. I don't know if I've said right things. Out of formality, I do. Out of force, I do. Self-willed? never. The errorenous being before you. me.

I am but ordinary. Funny as it sounds, I hate being ordinary. It means when I die, nobody will know who I am. Maybe it's better that way? -_- I don't thrive on popularity. Maybe it's just that sometimes I'd like to be talented at something I like to do. As is *shrugs* I don't even know what it is that I do like to do. Everyone's got something they like to do. A jack of all trades, master of none. Does it apply to me? no. I don't even dabble in all things. Makes me feel so. raw. stupid. Can't really find the words.

Is that really all there is to myself? all that I look at? what's beneath..pretty empty. a void fills the space. contentment, resentment. daren't go any further. you COWARD! delve into the unknown, for that is what makes experience more memorable. upbringing in a warm cardboard box teaches you to be afraid of the outside world, doesn't it? doesn't it?!

enough of the self praise. back to reality I go.