self-bashing weekend
Sometimes I wonder if I’m all that good a friend that I’m supposed to be.
Before I go on, thanks ai, reeis and el for being good friends to me.
When someone isn’t in the best of moods, I don’t quite know what to do. Consoling isn’t easy especially when that person probably needs time alone. So while they’re in that recluse I feel really inadequate for not being able to do anything apart from hope that they’ll break out of it. Sure I know it’s important to be a good listener, but I don’t really hit the mark when it comes to expressing feeling. Hey, I see it everywhere; in my writing, my playing, my singing, my drawing…whatever you can think of that has something to do with feeling, I’ve never really expressed it well. Not that it isn’t there; it is. Haven’t found a method that works for me. Yet. And I wonder what I’ve been doing with all that time that I’ve been awake and living.
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The further in the past the friendship goes, the harder it is to forgo. They do say “make new friends and cherish the old”. Of course I enjoy the company of my uni and ex-college friends, but those who are close to me will always stay that way even if we don’t talk all that often.
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I guess I’m a very very fortunate person not to be living in deprivation and all the things that others may not be so lucky to have, and sometimes that makes me wonder what I did to deserve it. Deserve? As nothing comes for free I must have earned it somewhere. So I appreciate what I have.
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I’m in doubt.
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I've never seen my mom so distressed about anything like these past few days...maybe the past week. I hope everything turns out better for her.
