it grips, it crushes.

I'm afraid.

This time, I feel like I'm not working as hard as I was last year. I don't want my results to crumble. It's not that I'm not trying; I AM, but it doesn't feel like I am actually trying.

Last sem:
10am-12pm: Studying @ Library
12-1pm: lunch
1pm-530pm: Studying @ Library

This sem:
sporadic studying & breaks.
Not fully concentrating.
Not actually committing read material to memory.
Not sure if I've actually done anything productive.
However, I have nearly finished a once-over on most of my subject material.

Earlier I made coffee using 1/2 satchet, didn't do nuts to keep me awake. Made me feel sleepier, in fact. So I made another cup using an entire satchet, and... yeah. It works. Now I'm feeling the effect, I'm sick of studying, I want to sleep, but I don't think I can just yet.
______________________

Maybe because it's winter, maybe because it's so late.

I feel sad for some reason.

I don't know why.

But it will wash away, like the waves.

And it will come back.